One night while eating dinner there was a man sitting close to my table who took a shine to Ruby. She seemed to really like him too and it was cute watching him try to get her to do stuff, and her acting like she didn’t understand him.
The thing about Ruby is that if you call her she will almost never come to you, unless she actually wants to. She will, however, always be sure to look at you in acknowledgement that she did in fact hear you, but she’s busy right now.
She also does this if she doesn’t want to sit, or do whatever else it is you’re droning on about.
In spite of these annoyances, she’s actually very well behaved and she can do some cute tricks too. Mostly she’s not a jerk, and is in fact the best girl in town when nachos are in the vicinity. Which I happened to have on hand. So we showed him a perfectly executed “shake”, and “high five”, and “kiss”, “wait”, and many more stupid things I can do with my dog.
He mentions that she’s very well trained, and asks where she is from. I tell him that she’s from Vallarta but she lived with me in the States for a while, and we went to puppy school there, so I could learn how to train her and be a better mama to her.
I mentioned that she even has a diploma from when she graduated! And then he said nothing. This diploma statement was met with a blank stare and a certain almost imperceptible eye twitch that I recognized immediately as the very thing I do when I realize someone is completely nuts.
This conversation was taking place in Spanish, and my Spanish is not good. Even the waiter noticed the awkward halt to the conversation, so he stepped in and translated, but it’s basically what I just said, and still the guy had no reaction except that ever so slight “WTF” punctuating his brow.
Later I was replaying his odd reaction in my head, and I thought again about what I had said that killed the conversation so efficiently: My DOG. has a DIPLOMA. from her puppy school GRADUATION.
Oooooooooooh, yes. I see it now. That does make me sound legit crazy.
“Hey, at least I didn’t frame it and put it on my wall, or make her wear a tiny mortarboard and pose for pictures!” is what I’m going to tell myself from now on.
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