I don’t really think of myself as the arachnophobic sort… I don’t love spiders, but I don’t really freak out about them either.
But I was just sitting here on my computer, and my peripheral vision happened to catch a shape in my palm tree that looked *exactamente* like a big. ass. spider. And sure enough, yes. It is, and it’s big. And pffft.
So I just spent TEN MINUTES strategising on how I’m going to get at this thing. Knowing that there is no way I can lose it because if I do, it’s going straight into my bed, and then I have to burn the house down. And I don’t own the house, so I feel like that would be extreme as well as inappropriate.
I decide to go with a running shoe, which is laying nearby. I pick it up and slowly approach, electing at the last minute to go with a total ambush instead of tapping a frond and risking exciting it.
I’ve seen them jump.
I’ve thought about this.
And at the top of my lungs I fully rebel yell at the spider while whacking the shit out of it with my running shoe. It is 10:00pm on a Thursday.
During this (I’m sure spectacular) incident, the spider is pulverised. Once I am confident it is dead I approach and upon further inspection it is very clear that the spider has actually been dead for some time… it was, literally pulverised. Dust.
Two things:
Clearly I have something about spiders going on.
And all I can think about now is that at some point, there was a huge spider not 3 feet from where I sleep. I cannot brain bleach this. There is no cleanse.
Nightmare is coming.
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