You are a reflection of you.
You are the sum total of the choices that you make. You are the physical manifestation of the thoughts in your head that become the choices that you make that turn into the body you live in and the mind that drives it.
About a year ago I was going through a depression, or more accurately I was on my way out of one, but I still had a ways to go. This happened to coincide with a dog sitting gig that I had, which meant I would not be living in my own home, and my “depressed person routine” would be shaken up. This would turn out to be exactly what I needed. I had let so many things fall by the wayside at home that I was just barely getting on. So many small choices that, when totaled up, did not equal a healthy, thriving existence. Dishes were done (ish) but the drainer was piled high because I could never be bothered to put them away. Dust everywhere. No more TP, so the paper towels could be found in the bathroom.
“I’ll get some later.”
Listen. Depression aside, anyone who has lived along and been broke knows that you’re not truly out of toilet paper until all the coffee filters are gone. But I digress.
When I arrived at the new house, which had just received a visit from the housekeeper and actually had people to care for (and about) it, the difference between this life and my own was so stark. I knew I was in the right place. I knew this would accelerate my healing and I was right. I needed to see how other people lived… review things a little… and realize that my life had drooped. It really needed sprucing up. My life needed me to care about it (and me) so that I could be the reflection of me that I wanted to be.
When we’re depressed or in a rut it can be hard to see that our homes and our lives and habits so obviously become a reflection of us. Paul Simon’s wonderful song “Graceland” has a lyric that goes “… Losing love is like a window in your heart. Everybody sees you’re blown apart. Everybody feels the wind blow…”
I think that’s how depression, and many ruts, can look and feel too. Healing from depression is not a matter of a simple change of scenery, I do know that. But “fake it til you make it” is a thing too. So is “dressing for the job you want.” By shaking up the routines that are keeping us in a rut, we have the opportunity to see and feel what leaving our comfort zone feels like. That’s where so much information lies. That’s where all our power is… feeling our feels but doing the thing anyway. Having the courage to live like the person we want to be, embody that vision. In time we will be that person.
Because you are the sum total of the choices that you make.
You are a reflection of you.
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